Redneck Water Park

Yes, today is Mother’s Day. My mom and dad went to spend it with my grandmother, so I haven’t actually seen my mother at all, today. Instead, I went to spend it with some of my favorite kids and their mom and dad. We had Redneck Water Park. This was the second set-up of the Park, this spring, and my first attendance. I have to say, if there had been awesome toys like these when I was a kid, Redneck Water Park would be an old tradition:

The Water Rocket

The Weiner Sprinkler (at least, that’s its name at the Redneck Waterpark)

The mom and I listed our favorite Reasons That Redneck Waterpark is the Best:

• You don’t have to shave your legs.
• You don’t have to be skinny…your fat rolls and/or your breasts can hang out of your swimsuit with no shame.
• The drinks are much cheaper, and no one looks at you cross-eyed like, “I can’t believe so and so has had so many drinks. This is a family establishment.”
• You can listen to whatever kind of music you want.
• The kids are yours, so you can make them adjust the amount of water spraying your way, make them get you another drink, make them change the radio, etc.

So far, the only bad thing I’ve found about Redneck Water Park is the after-effects of severe sunburn caused by sub-standard lounge chair equipment. I was prevented from my half-hourly flip, so the front of me is fried, while the back remains lily-white.